When we found out that Ford was on his way, I had a bit of a crisis of self. I was feeling weird and sick and just not at all sure about being a mommy and what new shape our life was going to take. We were also in the middle of some big life changes that were a bit stressful and so slowly I quit blogging. It wasn't a conscious decision, but posts became more and more rare until they finally dried up all together.
I also slowly quit teaching my sewing classes (Ford was born the week after a Sewing 101 course finished up…Yikes!) And then, of course, after he was born I got swept away in the frantic sea of motherhood. I'm going to be honest with you- I didn't adjust gracefully. It was very hard early on for me to be a mommy and to feel like my true self.
I felt a little lost and confused, but also very much in love with my baby and getting to spend my days with him. Motherhood is all consuming. It's so easy to lose your sense of self- the things that make you feel like YOU! Or that's what I've found to be true for me.
Along and along I started to realize what made me feel most myself; I needed to be making things and I needed to spend more time with friends. Simple as that. I feel best when I'm social and when I have a project going. I think this is what people mean when they say, "Ugh. I just feel awful when I don't exercise." I think. I can't be positive because I have never felt that way about exercise in my life.
As I was coming to this realization, my friend Jessica approached me and encouraged me to be brave and really dive back in to Greener Grass as a blog and a serious business. She took me seriously and it made me take myself more seriously. She has now become my amazing business manager and constantly wows me with her spreadsheets, calendars, percentages, and overall general business savvy.
(By the way, most Greener Grass emails and billing are done by Jessica. Don't be confused if you see her name on something! She's nice. You'll love her. And you'll appreciate that she will email you right back, whereas I would probably accidentally delete your message!)
I'm a maker and a teacher and I'm so grateful that Greener Grass gives me the chance to do both of those things. I'm grateful for people like Jessica and David and my parents who push me to be brave and follow my dreams. And I'm grateful that the business helps to support my little family so I can spend my days with little Fordzilla as a stay at home mommy.
I just wanted to give you a little behind the scenes look at what's going on with us. I'm so happy to be connecting with so many people again through Greener Grass. I hope that you'll take a class or schedule a craft party. I would love to hang out with you!
Love you. Mean it.
mel
I resonate with this 100%. After having Melody I struggled, wanting to be home with her more, so I resigned from my full time ministry job to take a part time job that I didn't love. After a little over a year I began to realize how I wasn't being the best mother I could be, eventhough I was spending more literal time with her, the quality of that time was not what it could be. Now 6 months into a full time job that I LOVE I know that the time I spend with her is much more quality and she knows that mommy is happy. I look forward to a chance to re-connect with you through this wonderful Greener Grass project.
ReplyDeleteI hope to come take a class one day! Love your blog....as you know....it was the inspiration for mine :) It really does bring so much joy. Maybe one day I'll need a Jessica too ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome! I love it when people have moments of discovery like this. I have struggled with the same things - losing my sense of self in the midst of life changes. I was so caught up in ministry and other things that I forgot what my passion was. It took some serious prayer and wrestling, but I feel like I'm on my way :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story. I look forward to reading more in the future. I wish I lived close by so I could take one of your classes. Creativity and community totally rocks my world and keeps me sane!
Blessings on your new adventure!
Heather
Just received a payment for $500.
ReplyDeleteMany times people don't believe me when I tell them about how much money you can get by taking paid surveys online...
So I took a video of myself getting paid over $500 for participating in paid surveys.